Holding On and Letting Go
by fallingxforwardx
Summary: What if Elena had initiated the kiss between Damon and herself at the end of episode 3x10 The New Deal?


**I can't think of a better way to start 2012 than with a Delena kiss! After 2 and a half seasons of waiting for a real passionate kiss between the two of them, I think we can all say that it was epic! The only thing I wish is that Elena would have initiated it, don't get me wrong I loved the way Damon did it, by finally allowing himself to be selfish with her. However, I thought I'd write this little fic as an alternative ending. So enjoy & happy 2012 everyone! The year of Delena!**

**Holding On and Letting Go**

"Thank you" she said, somehow he always knew just what she needed to hear, what would take the weight off of her conscious no matter how much guilt she was allowing to weigh her down.

She should have expected it, that smug little grin that he had down to science as the words flowed from his lips "No problem."

"Not just for this Damon for everything" She clarified. He had been her rock for so long, putting her ahead of all else; protecting her, caring for her, listening to her and offering his shoulder without snide remarks. He needed to know this "I don't know what I would do if you weren't here."

He looked momentarily stunned; he understood what was underneath the words and the sincerity within them. That's what made this so hard. His gaze dropped to her lips for a split second before he once again found her warm chocolate eyes and he once again put her first. He couldn't be selfish with her. She deserved to know the truth. "You should know this Elena; Stefan didn't screw us over. He screwed us over but he had a good reason."

"What?"

"He saved Klaus to save me" He told her as he once again dropped his gaze. "And then he stole the coffins to get even." He turned; ready to leave, sure that now her misguided anger and feelings of defiance would be altered. Stefan cared; he cared enough to once again save Damon's life.

She was so confused, her head was reeling, and her pathway of understanding was clouded. There was still good in Stefan, somehow there would always be that light inside of him. But how? "D-Damon if he did it to protect you then-" maybe his humanity wasn't really lost? "Why would he even do that? I mea-" No matter which way she spun it, it didn't make sense. "What does that even mean?" She asked in a whisper, trying desperately to put it together. To understand what in her eyes had no reasoning.

"What does it mean? It means I'm an idiot." He turned to look at her; he saw the concentrated look in her eyes and the distant look on her face as she tried to put it together. Then he saw the confusion, as her brows furrowed together as she studied his words. "Because I thought for one second that I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore."

"Wait what are you talking about? Guilty for what?" Then his face softened and he turned his body towards her. His eyes met the ground for only a moment of vulnerability before they once again found hers and she suddenly understood.

"For wanting what I want" but those words, strung together perfectly in this context complicated everything.

Her eyes lowered to his lips in a moment of weakness "Damon" she breathed out in a whisper. She couldn't think of anything else to say, words had escaped her.

"No, I know" he stated understandingly as her eyes lifted and she was lost in his deep ocean blues; "Believe me I get it. Brother's girl and all." And there was that grin again, only this time it wasn't so smug, it was almost guarded like it was masking the pain that otherwise would have flowed from his facial features and given him away completely. She knew how he felt, and that was enough for him. Rejection was not something he thought he could handle right now. Not from her. So he turned and started to walk down the porch steps.

Elena stood frozen at Damon's words and she slowly heard his footsteps down the porch stairs and finally when his foot hit the grass and she turned towards him and watched him walk away. She knew all too well about the guilt he had been feeling; she had been feeling it herself for months now. She was terrified to take the next step with Damon while Stefan's face lingered in the back of her mind but now she didn't know what she was waiting for. Stefan had made his choice; he had gone with Klaus on his own accord. He had lost control of his own urges and she had been lying to herself this whole time trying to convince herself and he would come around but even if he did…there was still Damon. Her feelings for Damon were completely separate from her feelings for Stefan and for once she was going to allow herself to be selfish. After all, she was human.

Elena ran down the steps and onto her driveway where Damon was opening his car door so that she could slam it shut. Damon turned to her, is eyebrows pulled together in confusion as he waited for her to speak.

"I feel it too Damon, the guilt. Every time I look at you, every time I touch you for even think about you it's there. But if I'm going to feel guilty about something, then I'm going to feel guilty about this." And with that Elena cupped Damon's face in her hands, reached up onto the tips of her toes and pressed her lips to his. It was the most selfish thing she had ever done but the moment she did it all of her guilt melted away and she put her heart and soul in the kiss.

At first Damon was so caught off guard that he didn't respond but within seconds his arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her in closer as his lips moved in perfect synchronization with hers. The kiss was full of comfort, compassion and love.

As they pulled apart their eyes locked, and the realization that things would never be the same hit them both but fazed neither of them. Instead a small smile tugged on Elena's lips as she whispered "Goodnight" and turned to walk back to house. Damon watched as she closed the front door and he could hear her heart racing on the other side of it as he climbed into his car and drove away into the night as a small smile etched its way onto his lips.

**So I hope you enjoyed, please review & let me know your thoughts! **

**-Tia**


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